Loose Strife

A few months ago, David offered us, Laura’s family, the opportunity to share our thoughts on this blog. I hesitated because I am not good with words when it comes to personal matters. And recently, I have cried through many of my thoughts when it has to do with my family. But, I thought now was a good time to share some of my more secret thoughts. Some of these things I have told Laura, and some I have not.
From an early age, I was the middle child. My little brothers played together, as did my older sisters. I kind of just jumped in when I could. Plus, Laura and Heather were more alike than I was to either of them. Yet, they were what I wanted to be: both beautiful and smart girls. Especially Laura. She was an original thinker, independent in spirit and so funny. She loved to read, was very creative and artistic, and always had good grades. I, however, was more quiet, fairly average, and enjoyed sports. We were different, but I didn’t regret it.
Our family loves being a family. We always had dinner together, walked to school together and attended Mass together. We learned love and family went together.
As we grew up, older sisters went away to school. I lived at home when I went to college. I worked as a college student, quietly making my way. One year, Laura offered me a chance to experience dorm life during part of my Spring Break. I remember thinking, “YAY! Laura wants to hang out with me.” I got to do this a couple of times and loved spending time with her. I met David during one of these trips – he was the guy who played drums and lived at a house with a funny house number. I didn’t ask much about him, but I could tell he was special to her.
Life went on. Laura decided to meet David in New Zealand one year and the two of them would travel all over for six months. While eyebrow-raising, it didn’t really surprise me. We had parents who both left their homes to travel, after-all. Sometime after their trip, Laura and David got engaged. I was thrilled for her. During the planning, Laura asked me if I would make their wedding cakes. Last week she told some of her friends that it was selfish of her, but I was delighted to be part of her wedding. I wanted happiness for her, and if I could give her a little bit of that, why would I refuse?
More years went by. Laura played travel guide when my David and I visited her in Santa Cruz. Laura became an aunt when my son was born and made sure she visited lots so he would know her well. We were together painting a bathroom on September 11, 2001, trying to ready our new house before my daughter was born. Laura and David hosted us one November and attended an Oakland Raiders game with us (quite the experience!). She flew home for lots of visits, before and after her girls were born. In these years, I began to see that even though we were different, there was so much love for each other.
So many of these thoughts came back to me during our “Tea at the Ritz escape” last Tuesday. Laura is thoughtfully observant and knows that I don’t do much for myself (having four kids can do that, I guess). She gave me her time and I gave her mine. No kids, diapers, computer, dinner prep or husbands. Just us. And we ate, talked, cried and rested. We had an adventure together. We shared secrets and concerns for the future and from the past. So much of that is deeply personal – sisters’ secrets. But, I will share two things from out time together:
1) I told Laura that I am grateful that I cannot remember having cross words with her in our past. I am sure that there were times, but so much of our lives has been tremendously happy and loving.
2) We never actually had tea.