Today I turned 40. Nineteen years ago I had another milestone birthday. I was in college, dating Laura, and she made me a birthday mix tape — something that seemed to be required in those days. I can remember spending hours trying to cue up my cassette to start at just the right time, to keep the levels right, but most of all to choose each song that was just right for the mix. Mix tapes were deep and meaningful and usually intently planned. They showed how bold you might be to choose a top-40 tune and follow it by some obscure bluegrass. Mix tapes allowed you to stake a claim to music for yourself or to express your devotion in ways that you couldn’t bear to say outright.
In our case, mix tapes were definitely part of our courtship. When I spent a year in New Zealand I sent Laura tapes of fantastic kiwi rock bands along with avant jazz artists that I discovered there. She sent me love songs squeezed into hip mixes with needle pops that she made after hours on the turntables at the college radio station. Later when she joined me and we slowly hitchhiked, bussed, and boated through the south pacific and southeast asia we would pick up new tapes for our Walkman — bootlegs in street bazars usually. We had two pairs of headsets with a splitter so we could listen together and the tapes we found became a soundtrack for our travels. Balinese gamelan was one I remember well. I can still hear the melodies even though I lost the tape years ago. Another odd find was a Leonard Cohen tribute album that we found in the Northern Territory in Australia and we discovered songs like “Bird on a Wire” and “Suzanne” together. I remember how disappointed I was to listen to the original Cohen tunes when I got back to the states. Great songwriters don’t necessarily make great singers or musicians — sometimes others say your words and sing your songs better than you can. That’s what’s so good about making a mix tape: you can make your own perfect tribute using someone else’s material.
Laura and I had a running joke that there was always a song on her mix tapes that “ruined it”. On this one she ends with “These Are the Daves I Know” from a Kids In the Hall skit. Another tape had an awful song by the Del Rubio Triplets. This tape will definitely bring back the late 80s for those of you also reaching 40 about now.
Laura called the tape Splendor in the Grass, which is a poem by Wordsworth:
What though the radiance
which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass,
of glory in the flower,
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be;
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of human suffering;
In the faith that looks through death,
In years that bring the philosophic mind.
It was eerie to read this poem for the first time recently when I looked it up after deciding to remake the mix. It’s hard to read it without crying. When I listen to the tape I hear so much of Laura then. And bittersweet echoes and ironies today. Of course I’ve listened to this tape for almost 20 years and it’s become part of my soundtrack. The tape now fades and warbles, but it’s the perfect reminder of the happiness of being young and in love. So “remastering” was a sweet birthday present for myself. Enjoy! (Email readers, you can listen by loading this post in your web browser.)
The blank line you see on the photo of the cassette liner is for the “Flower Duet” from the french opera “Lakmé” (thank you Shazam). The Winter Hours tune is actually a cover that I just found that’s true to the original, but better. “The Courtesan” and “Naomi” are warbly copies from the original tape.
If you want me to send you a CD, drop me a line.
Splendor in the Grass
1. Almost With You – The Church
2. Morning Song – Kilkenny Cats
3. Listen / Space – Marty Willson-Piper
4. Lover Man – Billie Holiday
5. In Your Eyes – Peter Gabriel
6. Falling – Julee Cruise
7. Ten Minutes – Winter Hours
8. A Strange Kind Of Love (Version One) – Peter Murphy
9. The Perfect Girl – The Cure
10. For the Want of a Kiss – Nat King Cole
11. If I Could Be (One Hour Tonight) – Count Basie
12. The Courtesan – Dark Arts
13. A Smile In a Whisper – Fairground Attraction
14. Naomi – Soul Brothers
15. Haunt Me – Sade
16. One More Time – The Cure
17. Nobody’s Child – Maria McKee
18. Teach Me Tonight – Ella Fitzgerald & Count Basie & His Orchestra
19. It’s No Reason – The Church
20. Lakmé (Act I): Flower Duet – Alain Lombard, Danielle Millet, Mady Mesplé
21. Touch – Sarah McLachlan
22. The Lust, The Flesh, The Eyes & The Pride Of Life – Seventy-Seven’s
23. These Boots Are Made For Walking – 7 Seconds
24. Ah Stockholm – Marty Willson-Piper
25. The Daves I Know – Bruce McCullough
PS. The girls and I will be going to Boston this weekend to walk in the Komen Race for the Cure again. We’d love to have you join us if you’re nearby. Let me know.
12 responses so far ↓
1 Tom Duesterhaus // Sep 22, 2009 at 7:45 am
Happy birthday, Dave . . . Your post brings back a flood of memories for me, too, almost none of which I can articulate. Mix tapes have a funny way of doing that, I think.
Incidentally, a book you might want to check out:
http://www.amazon.com/Love-Mix-Tape-Life-Loss/dp/1400083036
Take care,
Tom
2 Irene Bosch // Sep 22, 2009 at 9:12 am
David,
Happy Birthday! 40 is a good age. It feels right to be 40. Other birthdays will be too many years and less than 40 to few….
You and Laura were best friends too, sharing the same end of the headphones and sharing your family, exploring life, living it intensely. And in your Birthday today you emulate what you felt then. Love.
For that we can all enjoy, we can all listen and in that distant way, we can all connect with you and with the beautiful people you are. Is like sharing the other end of the headphones.
Happy Birthday and thanks for the sound tracks and the poem. This is the best way to start our day. Big hugs.
Irene.
3 Matt // Sep 22, 2009 at 10:14 am
Sir! I’ll ask you to rescind that slander upon “These are the Daves I Know.” For many years, I’ve relied on that song to keep track of the Daves that Bruce McCullough knows. Entertaining AND informative.
4 Rommy // Sep 22, 2009 at 11:05 am
Happy Birthday David!! I hope that you enjoyed your day yesterday with your two beautiful girls! Thank you for sharing your playlist, there are a couple songs I recognize and love and I am excited to hear the rest…but I am having problems opening it up in iTunes. Im doing the drag and drop thing but its not copying into the library…weird. I’ll keep at it, but if you do get the chance to, I would love to get a CD. Love you all!!
5 Jen, Suzette, and Bryce // Sep 22, 2009 at 11:10 am
Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to you!!!
We have been thinking about all 4 of you in the last few weeks. Wish we could have been there to celebrate your 40th with you. Tomorrow is Bryce’s 7th birthday and he is sooooooooooooo happy. Remember that feeling when you are little and every birthday is so important.
We also have a few of Laura’s mixes and we cherish them. Jen still has one from college. Nothing makes me think of Laura more than music.
Thanks for sharing. We are so grateful for your ability to share yourself and Laura with the rest of us. You both have truly touched so many lives.
6 Lisa Flores // Sep 22, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Happy birthday David and welcome to the club of 40!
So glad to hear from you- just yesterday I was talking with my sister and wondering how you and the girls were doing and of course reminiscing about the wonderful Laura. I was saying how 3 things are triggers for thinking of/missing Laura. Traveling for work in Latin America, certain music I know she would like or we enjoyed together and particularly beautiful flowers (obscure, but it there is a reason to convoluted to go into here). Can’t wait to listen to the Laura mix tape.
Thanks for posting again, I got spoiled getting to read your lovely posts and am always happy to read more! Xoxo, Lisa
7 Gramma Eileen and Pappa Norm // Sep 22, 2009 at 1:36 pm
David,
Happy Birthday to you.
Norm and I will be happy to join the walk with you and the girls. I don’t think we can be as lucky as we were last year and just happen into you again, so send me your cell phone so we can be sure to “hook up”.
Love to all,
GE/PN
8 Elena // Sep 22, 2009 at 7:04 pm
It was good to talk to you, however briefly, the other day. I remember Laura making lists of songs for mix tapes long ago. She was a master at finding obscure and interesting songs. I treasure the few she gave to me. I think I need to pull out the tapes one night soon and give them another listen.
Thanks for sharing this with us today. I was missing her this morning and reading this gave me smiles (and a few tears).
9 Heather // Sep 22, 2009 at 7:32 pm
Hope you had a good birthday! Thanks for sharing your stories with us …. it keeps Laura’s memory very vibrant. The fact that they are intertwined with music makes the memories very immediate for me. The connection between music & memory is pretty interesting (read more here: http://www.livescience.com/health/090224-music-memory.html).
thanks again!
10 Mom // Sep 23, 2009 at 10:48 am
Guess who has a COPY of your Balinese gamelon tape?? Indeed! … Happy Birthday again!
We appreciate your sharing the touching moments that you and Laura had through poetry and music. Your blog entries remind us of days when we got lengthy and descriptive letters from you in New Zealand. Keep reflecting… it’s good for all of us.
11 Anita Culosi // Sep 28, 2009 at 11:10 pm
Sorry I’m a week late…in wishing you… David…a Blessed 40th Year.
You, Laura and the girls…remain in my thoughts and prayers…
God bless each of you.
12 Wendy // Sep 30, 2009 at 6:00 pm
What a great post.
I have been thinking about you and Laura and the wee ladies lately, as another CD exchange circle started up a while back. If you are at the same address, let me know (via email) and I will post some CDs to you.
To be honest, I don’t think I hear a good mix without thinking of you guys, because the ones I have from you are permanently in my ‘recently played’ playlist.
Hugs from Aotearoa, xow